My Son...well not really.

Jean Tony,

Writing to you is harder than writing to Darlene. I have come to terms with the fact that she has a Mom & Dad and I am ok with that.

But you my darling son, are another story. You don't have adoptive parents who are going to take you home. But I want you to know that you have me. I love you, and in my head and in my heart you are my son. My little boy, my little man.

I have a picture of you on my desk. I'm on my pc a lot and sometimes I get down and low. Then I look up at the wall, I see your smiling face and my heart is lifted. I love you so much Son. You are so special to me. My little boy.

If I could hold you in my arms right now, I would tell you how much you mean to me, how I am so proud of your new found pool skills and how much I love you. I would hug you and kiss you and tell you how handsome you are. I would read to you, play computer games with you, cuddle you and swim with you. You are what I need Son, to get me through.

Here's the hard part. We can't be together can we? We can't be mother and son. It's like a knife in my heart. I'm trying to hold back the tears. I want to be your mummy, more than everything. I love you. You are my son. Everything tells me you are my son. Why can't I be your mother? Why can't I fly to Haiti right now and bring you home with me?

It's so unfair. You would love it here, in England. We'd play football (soccer) together and walk the dogs. We'd play cricket and mess around in the forest.

I hope one day, that when you need someone, you will call upon me. You will see me as a second mum, whether you are adopted or not. That if you leave Haiti either through adoption or sponsorship that you will email me and include me in your life. Because I love you, so much.

I hope that Darlene will do the same, that she knows that she can call me, anyday, anytime and I will be there for her, just as I will be for you.

Always, Forever, Whatever.

Love,

Mummy xxx