I have been approved

On friday morning I got a phone call,

I have been approved. I am one step closer! I'm not as excited as I thought I'd be. I'm tired, so, so tired of waiting for a baby, for a child.

I keep thinking of my little Alexander, how beautiful and perfect he was and how the Lord took him away from me.

I keep thinking how close I got to being Darlene and Jean-Tony's mother, how close I was to taking that step, and how James took it away from me.

I keep thinking about how Darlene is going to an amazing family, and how my heart has healed over her, just.

I keep thinking about how Jean-Tony will never, ever be my son. How I will never get to hold him and tell him how much I love him. How parents get updates on their children but I don't know anything about Jean-Tony. I don't know if he's healthy, if he's having fun, if he's happy.

I keep thinking about how long my homestudy is going to take, and how it's going to be over a year or more before I get "my child/ren" and I wonder how I will feel about Jean Tony then.

I hope all my readers are well and enjoying my posts. Comment more often guys! =D

Love, Emma